New Electronic Stats Display 8000

Electronic Stats

 

Check out the new Electronic Stats Display 8000:

  • Instant real-time display.
  • Works 24 hrs/day, 7 days/week.
  • Includes international wireless connection.
  • Display multiple stats from any website.
  • Fully customizable display.
  • Programmable sound effects.
  • Translate to any of 36 different languages.
  • Built-in energy-saving AI circuit.
  • Online gaming provides odds and allows user to place bets.
  • Available as mounted wall unit or portable handheld device.
  • Optional holographic projector produces 3D images up to billboard size.

Features described for fully-loaded luxury model, and are optional upgrades on other models. Offer void everywhere and anywhere else prohibited by law. Please allow six to eight centuries for delivery.

You Might Be a Stat Junkie If…

Stats Pic

How often do you check your stats?

You might be a stat junkie if…

  • You bought a cell phone mainly to check your stats away from home.
  • You check a different device when nothing has changed just in case that might be the problem.
  • You can’t resist the temptation to check your stats during a movie. Especially, a good movie.
  • You actually spend more time during the day checking your stats than doing anything else.
  • Your spouse calls from the room, “Honey, are you checking your stats again?” And your spouse is right.
  • You checked your stats when you saw this post. Hey, they might have changed.
  • You experience withdrawal symptoms when the internet is down, when your cell phone doesn’t work, when the site needs maintenance, when the phone line is out, or when you otherwise can’t check your stats for few minutes.
  • You’re a member of Stat Checking Anonymous. Or, if having heard the name of this organization, you feel the need to join it, until you realize that it’s fictitious. Even worse, you feel like founding such a program because it should exist.
  • You hardly get any writing done because you spend so much time checking your stats.
  • You check your stats every time even the smallest thing doesn’t go your way, hoping the stats will make you happier.
  • You get out a calculator to see how many sales you’ve averaged per day, or to figure out how many more you need to get back on track.
  • You wish that you could receive an email every time a sale is made.
  • Your stats control your mood.
  • Your muse doesn’t come around anymore because you’re too busy checking your stats.
  • You’ve ever checked your stats twice in a row (or more) because you forgot what the number was as soon as you logged out.
  • You’ve ever cried because your stats disappointed you.
  • You’ve ever walked into a wall, tripped, or otherwise mis-stepped because you were checking your stats while walking.
  • You’ve ever bought your own product just to see the stats change. Then repeatedly became upset that haven’t changed yet.
  • You can’t go to sleep until you finally get that one last sale. And when it doesn’t come for many hours, you start begging for it. Out loud.

Related Posts:

1. I got this idea from Victoria Grefer’s recent post: http://crimsonleague.com/2013/09/15/bloggers-why-you-shouldnt-be-a-stat-junkie/

2. If you missed my previous clockwatcher post, you might enjoy this: https://chrismcmullen.wordpress.com/2013/06/29/authors-are-you-clockwatchers/

Chris McMullen, author of A Detailed Guide to Self-Publishing with Amazon and Other Online Booksellers, Vol. 1 (formatting/publishing) and Vol. 2 (packaging/marketing)