Check out the new Electronic Stats Display 8000:

• Instant real-time display.
• Works 24 hrs/day, 7 days/week.
• Includes international wireless connection.
• Display multiple stats from any website.
• Fully customizable display.
• Programmable sound effects.
• Translate to any of 36 different languages.
• Built-in energy-saving AI circuit.
• Online gaming provides odds and allows user to place bets.
• Available as mounted wall unit or portable handheld device.
• Optional holographic projector produces 3D images up to billboard size.

Features described for fully-loaded luxury model, and are optional upgrades on other models. Offer void everywhere and anywhere else prohibited by law. Please allow six to eight centuries for delivery.