Once Upon a Time


Once upon a time, it was a dark and stormy night.

A tall, dark, and handsome knight was bored out of his mind.

Far, far away, a damsel was in distress.

The knight woke up and smelled the coffee.

The time had come to cut to the chase.

So he put the pedal to the metal.

He went the whole nine yards.

Then he went the extra mile.

He was careful not to burn any bridges along the way.

But he did break a leg.

It was nothing to sneeze at.

He took two cookies and saw the doctor in the morning.

Then he felt snug as a bug in a rug.

He turned nutty as a fruitcake and barked like a dog.

Unfortunately, he was barking up the wrong tree.

Fortunately, he had an ace up his sleeve.

Until he lost his shirt.

So he followed his nose.

He arrived just in the nick of time.

Better late than never.

The damsel was over a barrel.

A tiger was playing mouse with her.

The knight took the tiger by the tail.

Since he had a bone to pick with that tiger.

It was like playing with fire.

He cleaned the tiger’s clock.

Then he rubbed salt in the tiger’s wounds.

The tiger went stiff as a board and then bit the dust.

Next he buried the hatchet.

And the tiger was up a creek without a paddle.

When the knight and damsel met, it was love at first sight.

It was so romantic.

Because it takes two to tango and three’s a crowd.

They were like two peas in a pod.

He was dressed to the nines and she had money to burn.

So they tied the knot.

They even put the icing on the cake.

And they lived happily ever after.

They were on cloud nine.

Until they kicked the bucket.

Life goes on.

All’s well that ends well.

That’s a wrap.

The end.

172 comments on “Once Upon a Time

  1. I enjoyed the trip but it extremely much to far, Perhaps if I only had a car.
    But it was a Mustang and wild and unfed, I had filled it up using diesel instead of unlead. A trip undone stopped short and unfilled. Reading your work helped and I am thrilled.

  2. After reading your poetry I reread it to find the entrance line to the dreamland in disguise as a the daily round…The words “He was careful not to burn any bridges along the way \ But he did break a leg.\ It was nothing to sneeze at.” opened a door to me. I joyfully step in and now humbly welcome you to my story I eagerly look forward to your comments now and thak you in advance.

  3. I’ve got to hand it to you. Every one of these clichés is worn out and overused, and yet, as I read through your little tale, I almost felt like I was seeing them anew … at least in a very new light. Bravo! Great fun.

  4. I am a big fan of cliches and use them as sarcasm quite often lol. I wish I had thought of this! I fancy myself a poet and part time writer and this was fabulous. I would like to reblog it if you don’t mind. 🙂

  5. Reblogged this on Vapor Kisses and commented:
    I happened to come across this and got a real kick out of it. Excellent writing and use of those old cliches that we still hear all the time. Anyway, I really enjoyed it and thought I’d pass it along. Hope you enjoyed it too.

  6. Amazing how you managed to squeeze out a story using clichés, and a clichéd sort of story at that. Well done. I’m okay with the occasional. All those fairy stories I read as a kid began with once upon a time. Now I tell my grandchildren stories about themselves that begin with once upon a time. They expect it and I can’t get started without it.

    • Thank you. 🙂 Sort of like squeezing the juice out a turnip. (I make up stories for my daughter every night – without the cliches – but I do begin with “once upon a time,” just as my family did telling classic fairy tales to me.)

    • Actually, this was an itch that I’ve been dying to scratch for a few weeks. (I tend to have the opposite problem: too many ideas, but not enough time.) Thank you for the kind words. 🙂

  7. Wow, this is funny! My nanny used to talk like this to an extent. Sure hope I don’t write using so many of these clichés, but I’m sure I have at some point. Will edit closely. Thanks Chris. Clever!

  8. “The knight woke up and smelled the coffee.” This made me burst into laughter. Only if authors who write teen romances took away from this.


    Thanks for the great read!

  9. This is so funny, and so great! I always try to avoid cliches in my writing. But you made them into your own, and ran with it. This is so creative, and so entertaining. Great job!

    • Thank you. 🙂 At first the comments were as simple as 123, but it’s starting to get harder than it looks, and soon I will need to pull a Houdini to do it without repeating myself.

  10. Pingback: Once Upon a Time (A Poem of Cliches) | ReadTuesday

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