Category English

Oct 6 2015

Fun with English

Image from ShutterStock.

Image from ShutterStock.

FUN WITH ENGLISH

Language can seem funny sometimes.

§

Did you know that left can be right?

Left is right when right is dead wrong.

On what side of your body is your heart?

Left is right. Right is incorrect.

§

Similarly, wrong can be right.

Wrong is sometimes correct.

What’s a synonym for injustice?

Wrong is a correct answer. Right is dead wrong.

§

Even the word literal can’t always be taken literally.

Sometimes, we use literally to mean figuratively.

I’m hungry enough to eat an elephant.

Literally! (Just not in the literal sense…)

§

I is speaking with poor grammar, right?

You can’t say, “I is.” It has to be, “I am.”

But check this out: I is a pronoun.

Find the mistake in that.

§

Everything is something.

Nothing is something.

If A=C and B=C, then A=B, right?

So everything is nothing! (Not quite.)

§

I can be here and there at the same time.

I think of myself as being here.

You think of me as being there.

So I am both here and there; it’s all relative.

§

If you don’t have anything, you have naught.

The number zero is called the nought.

The opposite of having something, of course, is not.

It’s enough to tie your brain in a knot.

§

Write happy, be happy. 🙂

Chris McMullen

Copyright © 2015

Chris McMullen, Author of A Detailed Guide to Self-Publishing with Amazon and Other Online Booksellers

Click here to view my Goodreads author page.

  • Volume 1 on formatting and publishing
  • Volume 2 on marketability and marketing
  • 4-in-1 Boxed set includes both volumes and more
  • Kindle Formatting Magic (coming soon)

Follow me at WordPress, find my author page on Facebook, or connect with me through Twitter.

Comments

Click here to jump to the comments section.

Jan 28 2015

There’s no I in EYE

Eye I

Image from ShutterStock

 

THERE’S NO I IN EYE

There’s no I in EYE,

But hear it I can’t DENY;

Nor an I to be found in FLY,

For which I must ask: WHY?

♦

I find no C in SEA,

As you can plainly SEE;

When I find no F in GRAPH,

It makes me want to LAUGH.

♦

There are no Y’s in HAWAII’s:

Do you think this is WISE?

I can’t find an A in WEIGH:

“Just the way it is,” say THEY.

♦

Even in names: JESUS has no G,

Nor has JEANNIE. Makes you wonder. Gee!

When there is no E in HUMPTY DUMPTY,

It makes me rather GRUMPY.

♦

Oddly, there’s a Q in queue, but not in CUE,

And it makes no sense that there’s no U in DO.

Even French has no O in L’EAU,

Yet it’s H2O! Go cry in a CHATEAU!

♦

There’s no X in WRECKS or Z in DAISY,

Yet there are two E’S in EYE. How crazy!

Language is nuts when CADE’S CAVE has no K’s.

Enough is enough. I rest my CASE.

♦

Copyright © 2015 Chris McMullen

Educators may use this poem for educational purposes, provided that proper credit is given to the author, Chris McMullen.

Apr 4 2013

Grammar Style (Short ‘n’ Fun)

End a sentence with a preposition if you want to.

Commas, use them, frequently, if you like.

Don’t be afraid to use a semicolon; write without fear.

Occasionally, use an -ly adverb when carefully constructing sentences, even though you’re generally supposed to avoid using them unnecessarily.

Is it a hospital or an hospital? a R.S.V.P. or an R.S.V.P.? a @ sign or an @ sign?

I left him lying next to her pronoun because it was you that expected us to confuse them this way.

The object of this sentence is the subject, but that’s okay because the verb “to be” doesn’t take an object.

It is I, not me. Now use me, not I.

Tom looked at Bob. He winked. Tom wasn’t sure if Tom or Bob was supposed to wink. They went to the screenwriter for clarification.

Fragments. Useful. Sometimes.

This sentence was becoming very interesting until (a parenthetical remark appeared out of nowhere).

Hy-phen-ate – add a dash.

Punctuate (your) sentences “most ‘properly’”: Otherwise, your readership will complain; or worse – they might…

Mind your %$&# language!

SCREAM AND SHOUT WITH CAPS!

Squeezeitalltogetherbyremovingthespaces.

mIxInG iT uP: wHaT’s WrOnG wItH tHaT?

Don’t reck’n ’twas s’posed t’nclude s’many ’postrophes ‘n’ c’ntr’ct’ns.

Matter order not does.

Chris McMullen, self-published author of A Detailed Guide to Self-Publishing with Amazon and Other Online Booksellers (Volume 2 coming in mid-April)