Category poetry

Dec 23 2013

The Cheer of the Naysayers

No

The critics stand on the sidelines, watching over our shoulders.

They tell us what can’t be done.

They explain why it won’t work.

They describe what’s wrong.

They can’t wait to tell us, “I told you so.”

What satisfaction those four words will bring to them!

In the meantime, we generate ideas.

We carry our ideas out, transforming our dreams into reality.

We do our best to ignore the critics.

Our results are feeble at first.

The critics are smug about how right they were.

But we gain experience and wisdom for our mistakes.

We try again and again and again, better each time.

We become a little better known, start to make names for ourselves.

Eventually, people begin to recognize and appreciate our efforts.

We find ourselves starting to accomplish what was said couldn’t be done.

Then we realize that the advantage was ours all along.

Only those who have ideas can carry them out.

Only those who try to carry them out can accomplish anything.

Only those who work hard can get meaningful results.

Those who stand on the sideline to criticize are the only ones who CAN’T achieve.

The best they can hope for is to discourage those who otherwise could have achieved.

What kind of life is that?

(You can learn a lot from Nike’s slogan.)

A Yaysayer

I’m Chris McMullen, and I’m a yaysayer. You can do it. It might take hard work. It might require some learning and research. You will probably make mistakes. Hopefully, you will learn from them. You can improve in time. Things may start out very slowly at first, but you can grow in time. The first step is self-belief. The second step is self-motivated diligence. If you wish to achieve, you must do what the naysayers say you can’t do and what the naysayers themselves don’t do. Be a yaysayer. Be a doer. 🙂

I started this blog to provide free help with writing, publishing, and marketing, and to provide encouragement and motivation to authors. You can find many free articles by clicking one of the following links:

Follow me at WordPress, find my author page on Facebook, or connect with me through Twitter.

Author of A Detailed Guide to Self-Publishing with Amazon and Other Online Booksellers

Dec 19 2013

ISBN Poem

ISBN

Eye Ess Bee Inn

Eye Ess Bee Inn

I love to shop for books by their ISBN.

No browsing, no keywords, no searching.

Find the book instantly with the ISBN.

#

Eye Ess Bee Inn

Eye Ess Bee Inn

It used to have ten digits, now it has thirteen.

It’s like a license plate for your book.

Identify your book by its ISBN.

#

Eye Ess Bee Inn

Eye Ess Bee Inn

Not sure how to spell the title or the author?

But need to find the book instantly?

There’s no need to worry: Use the ISBN.

#

Copyright © 2013 Chris McMullen

#

What kind of a fool would try to write a poem about an ISBN?

A song can have the most ridiculous lyrics, but be amazingly popular if it simply has a good beat.

I’m guessing the same isn’t true with poetry…

Just get the song “YMCA” stuck in your head, then give this poem another shot. 🙂

(Yeah, okay, this poem doesn’t have a good beat, either… it’s just one of those days.)

Nov 24 2013

A Chance for Indies to Show Them

Show

 

What can indie authors do?

We have a chance to show what we can do.

 

With every book we publish, we show our individual talents.

When we band together, we display the power of teamwork.

 

Not all indies are participating in Read Tuesday,

Though all are welcome and joining is free and easy.

 

Yet Read Tuesday, a Black Friday event for book lovers on December 10,

Has a chance to show what indies can do when we unite.

 

It’s not just a great day to buy books at great savings,

To spread the joy of reading and promote literacy.

 

It’s something more; an opportunity for indies to do something grand,

To promote an event worthy of its own day.

 

Department stores created Black Friday and Cyber Monday,

But indies have come together to produce Read Tuesday.

 

Readers have a chance to demonstrate their support for all good books,

Not just those books with a particular stamp on their covers.

 

Read Tuesday won’t be like any other Tuesday;

It will be a Tuesday with many opportunities.

 

Book lovers can find great discounts on books,

Authors can find a free resource to help promote their books.

 

May you have a wonderful Read Tuesday. 🙂

Love books? Check out Read Tuesday, a Black Friday event just for books (all authors can sign up for free): website, Facebook page, Twitter

 

Chris McMullen, author of A Detailed Guide to Self-Publishing with Amazon and Other Online Booksellers, Volume 1 (formatting/publishing) and Volume 2 (packaging/marketing), Facebook page, Twitter

Nov 13 2013

Followback Girl

Followback

Are you a followback girl?

If they like you, will you like them back?

If they follow you, will you reciprocate?

Are you an automatic follow?

Do you just click the follow button without even a glance?

Do you at least read the description to check them out?

Are you a selective follower?

Will they have to be your cup of tea to earn your follow?

Will your follow mean you’re in their target audience?

Are you criticized either way?

For selective follows: Why don’t you return the favor?

For automatic follows: Why don’t you make it meaningful?

Nov 3 2013

When Amazon Buys Heaven

Heaven Pic

 

There you stand before the Pearly Gates,

Waiting in line, realizing where you are,

Trying to figure out how you got there.

 

When your turn comes, you’re amazed:

No St. Peter, not even a clerk to greet you;

Nothing but a touch-screen monitor.

 

You must search through millions of obituaries,

Looking for yours on Amazon’s new obit site.

After hours of searching, you finally find yourself.

 

Your obit page has a head shot of you,

A blurb about your life, even product info,

Like gender, height, eye color, and age.

 

A yellow button catches your eye: Apply now.

You click it. It takes you to a form to complete.

Apply to Heaven. Estimated delivery time: two weeks.

 

The fine print tells you it’s based on customer reviews.

Friend and family reviews don’t count.

You can’t beg for reviews; they must be volunteered.

 

In the meantime, you’re encouraged to leave reviews.

Will you stick it to people who rubbed you the wrong way?

What will be your basis for judgment?

 

So you browse through the obits looking for others.

You note glowing five-star reviews of obvious sinners,

And one-star complaints against peace activists and volunteers.

 

Celebrities have thousands of reviews, more good than bad.

Some of your acquaintances have no reviews at all.

You do them a favor, and hope someone reviews you.

 

Chris McMullen, author of A Detailed Guide to Self-Publishing with Amazon and Other Online Booksellers, Vol. 1 (formatting/publishing) and Vol. 2 (packaging/marketing)

Oct 31 2013

Druidical

Druidical

 

Mysterious

Magical

Romanticized

Monumental

 

Priestly

Sacrificial

Reincarnating

Pagan

 

Astronomical

Cosmological

Lunar

Eclipsing

 

Ancient

Ritualistic

Archeological

Megalithic

 

Celtic

Welsh

Irish

Gaulish

 

Harvesting

Guising

Mumming

Divinational

 

Copyright 2013 © Chris McMullen

 

Halloween

Oct 30 2013

Beating a Dead Horse

Beating a Dead Horse

Artwork by Melissa Stevens @ http://www.theillustratedauthor.net.

“Beating a Dead Horse” is the follow-up to the original poem of clichés, “Once Upon a Time.”

Out of the gate, the detective was bored out of his mind.

Not a single person was even horsing around.

He couldn’t hold his horses for a case to work on.

It was a one-horse town, but it wasn’t his horse.

Then a damsel in distress strolled into his office.

She was a bombshell; a perfect ten; out of his league.

He was a silly goose to be daydreaming about her.

What chance did a loser like him have with a girl like her?

So he picked his eyeballs off the floor and stuttered like glue.

Turns out her horse had been murdered in the dead of winter.

Even worse, she caught someone beating the dead horse.

It was a knight in shining armor beating the poor beast like a drum.

A knight living in 2013? Sounded like an open and shut case.

It would have been a challenge if the knight had had some horse sense.

What kind of fool would linger at the scene of the crime like that?

He told the damsel that he would take care of the matter.

The next morning he went to see the horse with his own eyes.

It was an absolute nightmare; the horse was literally black and blue.

Now that was a horse of a different color.

Her story fit: The horse had been struck by the broad end of a sword.

The detective went to the station to call in a favor.

They gave him the address to the only castle within a hundred miles.

Sure enough, he found the culprit just where he thought he would be.

The detective asked the knight to confess to his sins.

He had no doubt, but wanted to hear it straight from the horse’s mouth.

But it was no use: The knight wouldn’t say a word.

It was like putting the cart before the horse, without first having proof.

So the detective went outside to dig up the buried hatchet.

Of course, it was a sword, not a hatchet, but you get the idea.

The sword had the knight’s fingerprints all over it.

However, the knight still denied it. He pleaded innocent.

Well, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.

There was one thing the detective needed to make his case: Motive.

What he had was only close enough for horseshoes and hand grenades.

The detective pried into the knight’s life like a crowbar.

Turns out that the knight was up to his ears in debt.

He had been sued for food that turned out to be horse meat.

So the knight had bet all of his money on a long shot.

He was hoping it would be a dark horse that would make his day.

But the damsel’s horse edged it out by a nose.

The knight begged the damsel for mercy.

He lost his cool when the damsel got on her high horse.

That’s when the knight plotted his revenge.

The knight showed up at her house with a box of chocolates.

She had been hungry enough to eat a horse.

So she looked the gift horse straight in the mouth.

That candy had a sedative that knocked her out like a light.

The knight slipped into the stable to do his dirty work.

But he was too late: The horse was already stone dead.

The horse’s heart just couldn’t take it anymore.

The knight couldn’t even do a simple thing like kill a horse.

So he took his frustrations out on the poor horse’s corpse.

The case was solved; it was a done deal; finis.

He reported his findings to the damsel. She was impressed.

What the heck? He got up the courage to ask her out.

The worst she could do was crush his heart like a bug.

Yet that didn’t happen: She took him up on his offer.

They got married and lived happily ever after.

He never could figure out what she saw in him.

Not that he minded one little bit.

He would have given an arm and a leg to be with her.

And that’s exactly what she saw in him: chivalry.

In the end, it didn’t take armor to be a knight.

Click here to see the original poem of clichés, “Once Upon a Time.”

Copyright © 2013 Chris McMullen. Educators and parents may use this poem for free for non-commercial, instructional purposes.

Oct 26 2013

Do You Remember?

Do you remember:

Seemingly infinite energy to play?

Curiosity for life’s simplest wonders?

Learning several new things every day?

Running free with no destination in mind?

Experimenting with each part of your body?

Hearing and trying out new words all the time?

Years without worries? Having fun for fun’s sake?

 

What would your former self say to you today?

 

Copyright 2013 © Chris McMullen

Oct 23 2013

more, More, MORE; will it ever be enough?

More Pic

 

You start out with some sales.

So happy to sell your first book.

Something to show for your hard work.

 

Then you realize it’s not like you dreamed.

You had fantasized about a bestseller.

Now that seems ridiculously far-fetched.

 

Maybe it’s your cover. Could it be the blurb?

Or does it need an edit? What’s the problem?

See if some revisions will do the trick.

 

You’re excited when sales improve.

Until you realize it wasn’t all that much.

Your dreams remain a long way off.

 

Aha! Marketing must be the answer.

You scour the internet for information,

Learning everything you possibly can.

 

Sales improve after trying these ideas out.

That must have been the key.

Except that it’s still not enough.

 

Then you get a new idea. Write another book.

The sales will feed off each other.

Why hadn’t you thought of this before?

 

Your new book helps. As does the next.

Pretty soon you have several books out.

Sales are so much better now.

 

But it still isn’t enough. You want more.

You crave it. You can taste it. You need it.

Why? You don’t know. You just do.

 

Afterword:

 

I think it’s important to compare yourself to your former self (and not just in terms of numbers).

Don’t worry about how many books other authors are selling.

Some books rarely sell, some sell like hot cakes.

Trying to grow your numbers is a good goal to strive for, as long as you don’t go overboard.

As you learn more and gain experience, and as you have more books out, this should help your numbers grow.

Improvement will give you a temporary euphoria.

Then you get accustomed to it and expect better.

When the numbers drop, as they surely will, you’ll feel depressed.

Sales fluctuate. It’s a fact of life. Strive for long-term growth. Try to ignore short-term drops.

There are seasonal and many other effects, which guarantee some drops.

Try not to let your sales dictate your happiness. Otherwise, you’ll be unhappy much of the time.

Try not to fall into the MORE trap, which doesn’t just plague book sales, but plagues many aspects of life, such as finances.

More can’t really make you happy. You seem happy about it at first. But you can’t always get more. Do you want to be unhappy all those times that you can’t have more?

But more can be a healthy goal, in moderation.

You can use this goal to strive for improvement, and to stay motivated.

Just try not to let it consume you. Then more becomes a huge problem.

Remember, you can measure “more” in other ways besides numbers—better quality, for example.

The last things you want to do are lose your passion for your hobby, forget your roots, or feel like you sold out… all to get more, More, MORE.

If you focus on more, it will never be enough.

 

Chris McMullen, author of A Detailed Guide to Self-Publishing with Amazon and Other Online Booksellers, Vol. 1 (formatting/publishing) and Vol. 2 (packaging/marketing)

Oct 12 2013

A Special Gift

Present

It takes a special gift to…

…look inside and see the real person.

…avoid jumping to false conclusions.

…cause people to set aside their differences.

…enjoy the journey when forced to take a detour.

…get people to see beyond their prejudices.

…genuinely care about others.

…listen to your conscience under strong temptations.

…value other things more than money.

…admit that you made a mistake.

…confess to something that would meet disapproval.

…stand up for what you believe in.

…support someone in need against greater numbers.

…step aside when your effort would be wasted.

…judge people for the right reasons.

…act responsibly.

…ignore peer pressure.

…serve as a friend for someone who can use one.

…not offer unsolicited advice.

…count your blessings in tough times.

…help make the world a better place.

…appreciate the small things in life.

…make other people feel better.

…secretly do something noble for someone else.

…show open-mindedness toward others.

…realize that you’re not perfect either.

…believe that you’re special and worthy.

…follow your own advice.

…stay positive in tough situations.

…see good in others when it isn’t obvious.

…feel happy when things don’t go your way.

…remain calm throughout life’s challenges.

…be yourself.

…forgive others.

…do what your heart feels is the right thing.

…strive for your best and also be humble.

…realize that you can’t do everything and choose wisely.

 

These are gifts that anyone can acquire,

And gifts that can do wonders for the world.

 

Copyright (c) 2013 Chris McMullen

 

You know what else would make a special gift? The gift of reading. Literacy is another gift that can do wonders for the world.

 

Read Tuesday will be a golden opportunity to give the gift of reading in a Black Friday type of sales event just for books.

 

www.ReadTuesday.com

 

It’s going to be HUGE!